Some signs of an abusive personality

• Controlling behaviors

• Isolating

• Put-downs - threats

• Manipulation

• Extreme jealousy

Criticism

Ÿ   Nothing I do is ever good enough. 

Ÿ   "Compliments" are usually veiled criticisms.

Ÿ   My partner calls me names and is always correcting me or humiliating me.

Moodiness, anger, threats

 Ÿ   I’m always afraid my partner will get mad. Then I have to figure out why and apologize.

Ÿ   He/she threatens to tell the authorities things about me that aren’t true.

Overprotection and “caring”

Ÿ   My partner doesn’t want me go to work, do the grocery shopping, or spend time with friends or relatives.  He/she phones or comes by frequently to see if I’m “ok.”

Ÿ   My partner picks out my clothes for me so I'll "look nice."

Denying your perceptions

Ÿ   My partner is mean and if it bothers me, says I can’t take a joke.

Ÿ   He/she says I’m too sensitive or that I exaggerate or imagine things.

Ÿ   He/she speaks cruelly or hits me and then asks why I’m upset.

Ignoring your needs and opinions

Ÿ   My partner promises to help and then "forgets."

Ÿ   He/she expects me to listen and respond, but ignores me when I have something to say.

Ÿ   He/she comes and goes at any time, but I have to stay home with the kids.

Decision making

Ÿ   My partner makes decisions which affect us both without consulting me.

Ÿ   He/she says some subjects are not open to discussion and always has to have the last word.

Money

Ÿ   Whenever I need money I have to ask for It and then account for how I spent it. 

Ÿ   My partner makes all the financial decisions and won’t tell me where we stand financially.

Ÿ   My partner doesn’t work, and says I should be glad to support him/her. 

Ÿ   He/she steals my money or things.

Shifting responsibility

Ÿ   My partner twists things around so that, whatever really happened, everything is my fault.

Ÿ   If we have a fight or my partner hits me, he/she says it’s because of something I did.

Ÿ   If my partner gets drunk or uses drugs, he/she says it’s because I’m so hard to live with.

Limiting contact with others

Ÿ   If I want to go out without him/her, my partner forbids it. 

Ÿ   My partner accuses me of having affairs or doesn’t like it if I want to spend time with relatives or friends. 

Ÿ   He/she says I care more for my friends or family that I do for him/her.

Physical intimidation

Ÿ   My partner blocks the door so I can’t leave during an argument, destroys my things, refuses to leave when I ask him/her to, won’t let me sleep.

Ÿ   When we disagree, I’m afraid of what he/she might do, so I don't argue.

Sexual humiliation

Ÿ   My partner pressures me to have sex in ways that make me uncomfortable.

Ÿ   He/she talks about me sexually in front of others or makes dirty jokes.

Ÿ   He/she makes fun of my body, forces me to dress “sexy,” or compares me to porn characters.

Physical and sexual violence

Ÿ    My partner throws things at me, chokes me, hits, kicks, shoves, or pushes me, rapes me, forces me to have sex with others.

Ÿ   My partner beats my head against the wall. 

Ÿ   My partner hurts me and then won’t let me go to a doctor or the hospital.